I Was Shaking. I Spoke Anyway. Here's What Happened Next.

Recently I participated in a conversation about confidence. Many ideas were shared and it has left me pondering what confidence is. I'm thinking about what it means to be confident and how I become confident.

Webster's defines confidence as "a feeling or consciousness of one's powers or of reliance on one's circumstances."

This describes what I understand as self confidence, which may be the most common way to think of confidence. Being confident in my own abilities is important. I need to feel capable of leading conversations, introducing topics for conversation, trying again after I have failed and dozens of other things. Trusting my own abilities to accomplish something or understand a concept.

Confidence is not limited to an internal force. I also need to have confidence in other people. Some examples are my faith, work, medical experts, and friends.

In my faith I need confidence that my spiritual leaders are offering counsel and advice that builds my faith. I need to trust that my leaders at work have a vision and can navigate the challenges ahead so that we are all successful. That confidence inspires me to work hard to accomplish goals.

I need confidence in medical professionals to diagnose my ailments and prescribe the correct treatment. I trust that their knowledge and expertise will make me well. Trust in friendship requires confidence that my friends will support and help me when I need it. An example is, when I share something private with a friend that they will keep my story private between us.

Confidence in others is a sure belief in them, what they know and what they represent. I do not doubt. What a powerful truth it is to have confidence!

I'm grateful for confidence in people. Can you name the people you have this confidence in? I hope YOU are on the list! Do you have confidence in your ability to follow through, to keep your friend's stories private, to accomplish hard things, or to fail? Are you confident that you can ask questions, answer a question with "I don't know," or offer a viewpoint that challenges something you know to be untrue?

Your name may not be on your list. You might be wondering why you lack confidence in your own abilities.

The great news is that what you lack right now you can build. Confidence is a skill muscle you can strengthen with work. It can be uncomfortable as you as working it, but it becomes stronger as you practice stepping into things and finding success.

What helps me with confidence? I’ll share a story about a time I built confidence.

I remember standing at the front of a room full of business analysis professionals at the Building Business Capability conference in 2012. My slot was five minutes, a lightning talk! I was terrified when I took the stage, not quietly nervous, but visibly, audibly terrified. My voice shook for the first two minutes, my body language telegraphed every ounce of fear, and sitting in the audience was the president of the training company I desperately wanted to teach for. I was waiting for confidence to show up before I performed, it wasn’t there despite my preparation. I showed up and spoke despite my lack of confidence in that moment.

Stanford psychologist Albert Bandura spent decades studying self-efficacy, our belief in our own ability to succeed. His most consistent finding was that the single most powerful confidence builder is what he called mastery experiences: actually doing hard things, especially when they feel impossible. Psychologist Carol Dweck's research on growth mindset adds to this, people who believe their abilities can be developed through effort and struggle sustain confidence over time in ways that those who avoid challenge simply cannot.

Three minutes in, my voice found a rhythm. My shoulders dropped. My body stopped broadcasting fear and started telling a story. I didn't become a different person. I stayed in the room long enough for my own competence to catch up with my courage. One year later I was back on that same stage, this time for a full session. I had butterflies, but not terror. I have spoken at that conference every year since and am consistently a top ranked speaker!

Confidence is not a prerequisite for action. It is a result of it. You do not wait until you feel ready. You step into the room, let your voice shake for two minutes, and trust that somewhere in the middle of doing the hard thing, you will find your footing. The stage gets less terrifying every time you climb onto it , but you have to climb onto it first.

Be bold, bright and beautiful even when you feel like you can’t! You will be surprised by the confidence that grows.